MORE ON MIKE

I was reading the latest on the Michael Jackson trial today when a realization hit me - I'm actually rooting for Mike!

Don't get me wrong. If he is guilty he needs his hind quarters thrown into the clink! There's no twelve ways abou that! But, I'd be lying if I said that I don't sincerely hope, and maybe even believe, that he's not guilty.

Like I wrote about before, I grew up with Michael Jackson (not literally - see previous entry). I've watched, first with happiness, then dismay as he scaled the heights of fame, and then crashed slowly but steadily down to that creepy world of celebrities who are known, not for their talents, but for their never ending contributions to the sleazy industry of tabloid reporting. (No offense to all of the tabloids out there...well, maybe a little offense meant).

I've been appalled and more than a little disgusted as he physically transmogrified himself into something other than human. Yeah. Vitiligo. I know. Right. You know, I'd be more inclined to believe that, if he hadn't done so many other things that indicate a desire to be seen as something other than a black man; everything from the nose job(s), to the hair thing, to his choice of associates. Now, like other celebrity African-Americans who have suddenly found themselves on the outs with the people that they've worked so hard to identify with and be loved by, I see Mike surrounding himself with everyone from the Nation of Islam to Jesse Jackson. Now, tell the truth. Could you see Mike allowing himself to be associated with the Nation of Islam in any way, shape or form, before all of his...troubles? Of course not! Jesse? Maybe. Farrakhan? Hell, frickin no!

Anyway, I digress. What I'm saying, is that, despite all of the doubts and hard feelings that I have about the man, I still hope, not that he isn't found guilty, but that he isn't guilty. I would like it if it could be conclusively proven, as much as that might be possible, that he did not molest his accuser, nor any other kids. I doubt that will happen, though. I think the best that can be hoped for is that he will be found not guilty, with enough evidence to support that verdict to reassure those of us that sincerely hope that he is not the sick individual that it appears that he might be.

GADGETS

I've got a few new-fangled, high-tech gadgets now; stuff designed to make my life easier, more manageable. I just bought one that does what the last two do, and then some! They're cool. They're fun. But sometimes I wonder if they don't create as many problems as they solve.

I remember hearing somewhere that fifty years or so ago, scientists anticipated the flood of high-tech, labor-saving devices that were to come in the ensuing decades. They predicted that our work week and man/woman hours would decrease significantly as a result of these wonderful devices that would soon be accessible to everyone! Strange. I also read that the average American employee puts in many more hours of work at their "slave" than their parents did in their youth. As the guy on "Laugh In" used to say, "Vehrrrry intuh-esteeng!"

I bought a Palm Pilot. I find it to be an amazing little gadget. A nice computer that I can carry around in my...palm. I figured I needed some more help keeping track of the myriad responsibilities that populate my daily life. It does help. There's no disputing that! But, it's like, Jeese! It just makes me that much more aware of how much I have to do. It's almost depressing!

You gotta understand. To divulge a little: I'm a guy who has spent a large hunk of his life - and I do mean a large hunk - trying his best to duck and dodge responsiblity. Now responsiblity is having its way with me! It's kind of painful sometimes.

But that's what I get, I guess. What I mean by that is: Have you ever been chased by a big bully when you were a kid? No? Lucky you. Well, if you dare run from the neighborhood or school psycho, when he finally catches you he's going to kick your ass extra bad for running. I shouldn't have run, huh?

WORST DRUG

Do you know what the most powerful drug known to man is?

Money.

drug: something and often an illicit substance that causes addiction, habituation, or a marked change in consciousness.

Money will definitely change your consciousness. Anyone who has ever had a lot of it, and then found themselves with little or no money can testify to that. So can anyone who has had little or none, and have suddenly found themselves with plenty. It will change you.

Like a friend of mine once said, "Money can't buy you happiness, but it sure helps!"

I was blessed to grow up wanting for little or nothing. We weren't stinky rich, but we were firmly entrenched in the middle-class. Plus, money went a lot further in those days. Now, circumstances, mainly of my own doing, have conspired to see me po'. Not "poor" - po'! Don't get me wrong. My kids eat, they're not wearing rags, my wife and I own a home (albeit, not exactly in Beverly Hills), and we've got some 'stuff.' For all that I am thankful. But times are still hard. Money is like a big safe dangling over my head at all times, rope frayed, wind blowing. Money is the cause of the majority of most of the anxiety and stress in my life today.

I'm tired of being po'! I have some plans, I'm just worried about what happens if they don't work out. This country has no mercy or compassion for those who are without. You'll find you and your entire family, kids and all, out on the street, if you're not careful. I can't have that happen.

And they wonder why some people turn to a life of crime. Besides the basic neccessities, everywhere you look, those that have are flaunting it in the faces of those who don't. Then they wonder why someone is sticking a gun in their face! Don't get me wrong. If you worked for yours, or even if it was given to you, I dont' begrudge you that. I'm just saying that struggling to survive, knowing that, given certain circumstances, the bottom could fall out; that does something to you, you know what I mean? And if someone is already inclined to doing dirt; money, or the lack thereof, can drive that person to do something less than nice to get it.

Think about it. If everyone had enough money, the other addictions that push people to do crime would be taken care of. The neighborhood crackhead wouldn't have to smash you over the head for another hit, because he'd have enough money where he wouldn't have to risk going to jail to do that. Matter of fact, if he could buy what he needs at the friendly neighborhood Walgreen's there'd be even less trouble. But that's another entry all together.

Anyhoo, food for thought anyway, huh?

I USED TO LOVE HIM

Do you find Michael Jackson to be a disturbing figure? I do.

It's extra-disturbing for me because I grew up with Mike. No, I didn't live in Gary (not far, in Chicago actually). What I mean is that, from the moment my sister brought home "I Want You Back" for me when I was about six or seven years old, I was hooked. I lived Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5. I remember that I had a big poster of them in concert, and I discovered that if I stared at it long enough for my eyes to start watering, it looked like they were dancing. Get the picture? Obsession. Daydreaming about hanging out with Mike and his brothers. Having imaginary concerts in front of my parents' console stereo in which I was either Michael himself, or the Jackson's long-lost brother or cousin. That kind of thing, you know?

Around the age of twelve or so I began to get into rock - stuff like Aerosmith, Kiss, Rush, etc. The Jackson 5 began to lose their allure for me. As I experienced that phenomenon known as adolescence, Michael Jackson receded into the background of my consciousness, replaced by Ted Nugent. (I'm only half-kidding).

Then, in 1982, Mike blew up again. Actually he had started blowing up a few years earlier, with his "Off the Wall" album, but I was still too immersed in all things rock to notice. But by the time that "Thriller" came along I had finally returned from my rock n roll exile - besides, "Thriller" and its accompanying mania was hard to ignore. So, yeah, I got into my childhood "god" again, though not quite like before. Prince had taken the throne from Rush, who had seized it after Mike had been unseated. But, still, it was nice to have Mike back again.

Then things got weird. Actually, one main thing disturbed me - Mike's appearance. His features were changing. His nose got thinner and thinner. I think somebody got him in the chin with an axe. And there seemed to be other, less easily identifiable changes. The most disturbing was something that I thought that I was just imagining at first. By the time "Bad" came out, three years after "Thriller" took over the world, it was an unmistakable fact - Mike was getting lighter.

That was very troubling. It's hard to be proud of a black man who appears as if he doesn't want to be black. Sammy Davis was very suspect in the eyes of many black folks, and he never got a shade lighter! His metamorphosis was all done with mirrors. Mike actually was getting lighter in front of my very eyes! Scary!

When he came out with his last album, "Invincible," (which wasn't nearly as bad as people claimed it was) and I saw the video for his first single, I was barely able to watch it. He had ceased to look like a human being. I can't help but wonder what kind of incredible self-hatred would drive a person to deform themselves like that.

To see Michael Jackson now, and all of the nuttiness, real go-away-to-prison type nuttiness, is particularly poignant for me. To paraphrase Common, "I used to love him."

TUHBACKEE

It's 11pm and I'm about to go out and buy some cigarettes. We're out and I know that I'm going to want at least another one before I retire for the night. But, I mean, how pitiful is that? I'm going to go out in the cold, at an hour before midnight, in a less than safe neighborhood and pay close to $4 for something that is only contributing to my chances of not living to see retirement age!

Wanna here something else really stupid? I stopped for over 2 years about a year and a half ago! Quit! Stopped smoking! Then one day something kind of extra-upsetting happened and I felt like, "Man! I deserve a cigarette!" Questionable logic at best. Before I knew it I was at a pack a day again!

Cigarette smoking has got to be one the dumbest habits anyone could ever take up. It hurts me to say it because that's an indictment of not only myself, but some people that I really love, but it's true. It's not like it is 30, 40 years ago when people where largely clueless about the extent of smoking's harmful effects.

Now they tell us that we are not only harming ourselves but everyone around us! I gotta say though, maybe I'm just rationalizing, but my parents smoked up a storm around me when I was growing up, ditto for just about everyone that I knew in my youth. Heck! This was in a time when you could smoke just about everywhere but in surgery. (Mighta been able to do it there). Anyway, far as I can tell, neither I, nor anyone else I know suffered any ill effects from all the puffing going on around us.

Now damn near the only place that you can smoke is in a small, dark corner in the cold, damp basement of your own home. You know, it sounds so crazy to me that I wonder if maybe I didn't dream this; but I could've sworn I read an article somewhere where some town or something was trying to ban smoking, even in one's own home!

Look, if I wanna poison myself, that's my @#&^! business! And all that second-hand smoke business...

Don't get me wrong, I don't smoke around my kids. My wife and I confine are nastiness to our own small, dark, cold, damp basement. (The doctor told me we shouldn't even be doing that) But sometimes I wonder...

p.s. - See! That was kinda personal. Maybe I can get someone to respond. Oh! I keep forgetting! First I've gotta get someone to read it! C'est la friggin' vie!

PERSONAL STUFF

You know, there are things that I wanna write about, but they are mostly too personal. At least, they feel too personal. But what else is there except personal stuff? I'm not some political pundit. I mean, I read the news and I have some idea what's going on, but I am way more concerned with what's happening under my roof than the White House's.

But I'm not really sure to be telling complete strangers about my business, or my wife's business, or my kids' business. I must admit that I am tempted though.

The other thing is that, to the best of my knowledge no one is reading this anyway. It's kind of ridiculous for me to be treating it as some type of public forum, when really all it is is some kind of glorified journal.

I guess that my wish is that someone will stumble across this one day and find it kind of interesting or humorous in a Seinfeld-ish kind of way. You know, "He's not really talking about anything, but it's engaging nothingness!"

Oh well. I have a right to dream!

WHY?

Why won't anyone read my blog? Why?

I can't even get my own wife to check it out!

Could I possibly be that boring? Could I?

Damn! (There. I did it.)

PESKY EMAIL

I have a friend who won't stop sending me those email equivalents of junk mail. Well, it's not actually like junk mail, because it's not like he's trying to sell me something. They're really just jokes, inspirational messages - that kind of thing. The thing is that I sent out an email to everyone on my email list, including him, asking that people hold off on those kind of correspondence for a while, until I am out of school for the semester. For the most part people have complied, except for this one person.

I don't wanna send another one, cuz I don't wanna be a cyber-jerk, but maybe he didn't get the first one. You think? I don't know. I do know that I checked my inbox the other day and I had nine of those f____s from him! I was like, d___! (I feel kinda silly. To cuss or not to cuss? That is the question). Anyway, waddo idoo?

ENTRY

I must admit that I 'm just writing something because I'm starting to suspect that maybe all of the posts on the counter for this site aren't me. Maybe even none of them!

At any rate, just in case they aren't me and someone or someones are actually checking in here from time to time, I could lose them if I don't have at least some manner of inane blatherings on here. (I figure if anyone does read this, it's just to get some amusement out of the 'inane blatherings.')

So that's my entry. Cool, huh? Hope you enjoyed it.

NEW TOYS

I bought a wireless mouse! Kinda cool. Not exactly a must-have but, hell, it was only fourteen dollars! I bought a printer/scanner/copier a few weeks ago. That was more of a must-have because I'm in school. I can't count the times I've been running late (almost always) and have had to stop off at the computer lab to print up some paper that I typed at home, but couldn't print because our printer crapped-out on us a long time ago. Plus, it makes killer photos! Store-quality shasta. "Shasta" is my word for fecal matter. No, I'm not a religious nut. I just feel like this is a public forum, and I believe in respecting that. I will cop to being pretty conservative. Not politically, even though there are some elements of that in my viewpoint. But, nah, I'm not a Dubya fan. Not by a longshot!

In other news: Trying to keep from murdalizing my 15-yr old son. He's not a bad kid, but he's making some really bad decisions, to put it lightly. I am concerned that he is heading in a bad direction. I would know. Maybe after I get a little more comfortable I'll tell you about it. Who, exactly, is "you?" As far as I know, nobody is even reading my ramblings, save my darling niece. I was teasing my wife that I can't even get my own wife to read it. "I'm gonna read it, baby." Yeah. Right.

I'm listening to Leadbelly. This is a song called "Galllis Pole." I need to check out the credits for Led Zeppelin's, "Gallow's Pole." It's definitely the same song, and, unless they warped time and managed to record their version first, there is no doubt that they bit their version. I've always respected Zep, but I hope they gave credit where credit was due.

p.s. - might change my mind on the cussing. Can't please everybody, you know?

I HAVE A READER!!!

I just found out that I have a reader!

Hey Lynn!

So what! Yeah. It's my niece. At least somebody's reading this thing. I'd hate to be spending time posting these things and no one is reading them!

I'm ecstatic! Lynn, I love you! Not just because you've checked out my site, that just gives you extra points!

Keep on reading!

And, to the rest of you, that aren't checking out my ramblings...(how do you indicate an obscene gesture in type?)

Why am I trying to tell off someone who isn't reading this? If a tree falls in the forest, does anyone hear it? Hell no! Who cares if it makes noise? All sound and fury, signifying not a damn thing!

You know what I say? Oh well.

SPARE A WORD?

Long time, no hear, huh?

I deluded myself when I first started this site. I thought that I would be able to contribute to it everyday. Not! I'm just too busy parenting, husbanding, schooling, etc to spend time every day, especially quality time, writing at this site. Also not getting any feedback is kind of disillusioning too. I know that it's only been here for less than two weeks, and there are countless other blog sites out there. I guess that wanting everything immediately is just part of my nature.

But I realize that just because I've gotten no comments, doesn't mean that I've gotten no hits. I thought about putting a "hit" counter on here, but I'm real paranoid about downloading stuff onto my computer. You never know what you're getting with it.

Anyway, if you are checking this humble site out, please spare a few moments if you can to just hit the comment icon and let me know that you've read it. I'd appreciate it.