AIN'T IT HELL?

I believe in prayer.

Many times, I have asked God for help and have received it. It has happened often enough, and they (my prayers) have been answered in enough unlikely circumstances that I am convinced that it isn’t coincidence, happenstance, a product of my mind seeing what it desperately hopes to see, or any other explanation that some of the more cerebral among us may prefer.

It’s ironic because I have been accused of being “too intellectual” to understand or properly embrace God by some who feel that just trusting and having a relationship with God isn’t enough. You have to have a trust in their particular God and have a particular kind of relationship dictated by their religion or it doesn’t really count.

I’m not a religious guy. I was raised in a Baptist church, Berean, that sat right smack dab in the middle of the Robert Taylor projects in Chicago. When I was about 11 or 12 my parents and many of the other, older parishioners had a falling out with the pastor when he tried to bring in new blood, so I started going to my neighborhood church, a Lutheran church, Bethany. I went their probably until my mid-teens and then stopped going to any church whatsoever. Since then, in my early twenties, I was involved in Buddhism and I found that very gratifying, but that ended when they wanted to do a number that was too much like the canvassing that Jehovah Witnesses do.

I don’t have anything against religion. I’m not angry or antagonistic toward it ala Bill Maher or Christopher Hitchens. Of course, those guys are straight-up atheists, something that I am definitely not! But it’s funny how some people don’t seem to differentiate when you don’t embrace their religious beliefs. My experience has been that, no matter how much you protest to the contrary, the minute that you say, “I’m not religious.” What they hear is, “I don’t believe in God!”

Or you could just be a poor unfortunate who has latched on to the wrong religion, or even the right religion but – bzzzz! Sorry contestant! Wrong denomination!!!

I remember once, when I was in Somalia, in ’93, there was a guy in my company that was very, very religious. He was a young guy, about 25; nice guy, very pleasant, but with just that touch of self-righteousness that some very religious people have. Anyway, back then, when I was too young to know better, I found myself engaged in a theological debate/discussion with him. I remember, I asked him, “What about people in remote parts of the world, say the Amazonian rainforest or something, that haven’t had an opportunity to know Jesus? Do they still go to hell when they die?” Short answer? “Yes, they do.” He went on to explain how the bible says that every person will have a chance to accept Jesus as their personal savior before they die. Any argument that I had was futile. He was a true believer! After more ignorant questions from me… “Why would God give us so many choices and then, if we pick the wrong one, sentence us to eternal damnation? In fact, why sentence his ‘children’ whom he loves, to eternal damnation for any reason?”…. I could tell that I was starting to get on his nerves with my heathen banter, so I let it go.

Hell is a deep and, as it is popularly believed in, completely and frighteningly ridiculous concept to me. Really, what good purpose could hell really serve? To me, that’s like telling my son, “Ok son. You’ve had twenty-one years to get your shasta together and you’ve continuously made the wrong choices, so every day, from here on out, I’m going to keep you locked in this room, chained to this pole, and I will come in and beat you every day for an hour or two, maybe more. Additionally, I will feed you just enough to keep you alive so that I can beat and torture you some more. I love you more than I can say and I hate to do it, but I gave you every chance! Twenty-one years I gave you son! And you wouldn’t do right! So, now, though I love you more than you can begin to comprehend I will have to torture you for…. let’s see…. probably the next sixty years or so, if we both live long enough!”

Preposterous, childish, blasphemous you say? I agree. Entirely. Not to mention unnecessary, sadistic, pointless and evil, just to touch on some adjectives. But I would also argue that those don’t begin to equal those same qualities, in much greater measure, when compared to the concept of hell. And, if nothing else, it seems to me that my scenario and the concept of hell are certainly comparable.

But, you know, even as I write this, a small part of me, the part that was raised in Berean and Bethany, who went to Sunday school and retreat, kind of shudders at what I am saying here. Deep down, or maybe not so deep, a voice whispers, “You’re going to hell for this, Ric!” It’s like something out of a horror movie! Funny, huh?

You know, I started out this post intending to write about prayer. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Anyway, maybe I can get some comments this time! People get real upset when you challenge their religious beliefs. And I understand that. That’s why I usually stay away from it, but writing brings out the brat in me sometimes and I just have to say things that I ordinarily wouldn’t.

That brings me to one last encounter with a deeply religious person that I feel compelled to share (the encounter – not the person). Not long after I was introduced to the wonders of Facebook I ran across an old schoolmate that I went to grade school with, many, many eons ago. We started talking via Facebook messages after I let her know that I wasn’t too fond of telephone conversation. Thankfully, she seemed to number amongst us rare weirdoes who actually enjoy writing. We had many enjoyable conversations back and forth. Then, about a week or two in, she mentioned her strong religious beliefs. I couldn’t patronize her so I told her how I felt about religion. Her messages abruptly slowed and then, after she assured me that she didn’t resent me for challenging her beliefs, she stopped messaging all together.

In a sense I don’t blame her. Who wants to talk to someone whose beliefs, or lack thereof, so radically conflict with their own? On the other hand, I believe in live and let live. If your beliefs work for you; if they give you a peace and contentment and you’re not hurting anyone, I feel like, “More power to you!” That’s another reason that I don’t like to talk religion with the very religious. I don’t want them to think that I’m trying to get them to be a heathen like me. I’m just explaining my heathenistic viewpoint. I don’t know why I bother though. As far as I know, it has never made any impression beyond making the person in question fear that much more for my eternal soul.

I’m sorry. I just don’t believe in that. My God loves me…. and you…. and everyone else, regardless of their religious affiliation or lack thereof. I know. My God’s no good. I picked the wrong one, didn’t I?