THANKFUL!

I’ve been wanting to start writing for the last few days but haven’t because I’ve been so damn tired! We had to move out of our home of the past three plus years this weekend and it took us all weekend long, from Saturday morning until Monday afternoon. It has been physically and psychologically taxing and I am running on fumes!

Being extremely tired is like being drunk – it lowers your defenses and makes you a little more candid and a little less careful about what you say than you would usually be. That’s why I have hesitated to write anything to post but, as Chris Rock’s character, Pookie, famously intoned in New Jack City, “It keep callin’ me man! It keep callin’ me!”

A few weeks back I decided to start blogging again. More importantly I decided to keep it on the spiritual tip, at least for a while. That’s where I want to be, and I think it would do us all good to keep our minds and hearts focused on that which is beyond the material. I think the world will be a much better place if more people focused on that from whence their blessings flow. Just my opinion… but anyway!

It seems like every since I made that decision it’s been like, “Ok! You talking a good game, bruh! Lessee if you can live it!” Maybe I’m just more aware of it now – Lord knows that I have been fully aware of the ongoing nature of trials and tribulations that life seems to hold, but lately, since I have raised Daizin back from the dead, it seems as if the trials have intensified.

It’s all good though! It’s been rough – still is – but it has just strengthened my faith, truth be told. I’m still standing. The people that I love – I love everybody to the best of my ability, but I’m speaking of my immediate family – are still standing. And you know what? Not to be morbid. But if God were to see fit that I were to stop standing tomorrow, well then I’d just have to accept that and trust God on that one too!

I remember once, many, many moons ago, a friend of mine (shout out to my FB friend and longtime compadre, Phil) asked me if I cared whether I lived or died. It was a difficult time, and after a few seconds of contemplation, I tearfully responded, “No.” Well, a few years later I found myself looking death eye to eye. It was at that point that I realized that maybe I did care. Maybe I did want to live. Saying that you don’t care whether you live or die sounds real romantic, but the truth is usually a little more cut and dried. We grow attached to living and, no matter how crappy life seems at any given time, the alternative, the idea of facing that great unknown – death – seems a lot less appealing when confronted with it than going on with life, regardless of how difficult it might be.

That said – I want to live. Not only do I want to live, but I hope to live to see my chillen grow relatively old. I was 26 and 27 when my father and mother died, respectively. While I am thankful to have had them for that long, I would pray that my kids get a lot longer than that with me and the wife. For one thing, I want them to live long enough to see how wrong they were about so many things and have that revelation that almost all of us do after we grow up – “Damn! I shoulda listened to my parents! They were right! I’m sorry!” I’m looking forward to being here for that glorious day!

But right now I’m weathering storms. Seems like one right after another. But I am still here. And I am that much more thankful and amazed by God’s grace, seeing me and mine through all of these situations. Of course, it seems that no sooner do you get through one, than another one is right behind it. But really, isn’t that essential to the maturation process? We get lost and then find our way out of the woods so that next time either we won’t get lost in that neck of the woods again, or if we do at least we know how to get out without scaring ourselves half to death in the process.

Does anyone know if getting white hairs is really due to stress sometimes? I notice our great president is noticeably grayer than he was two years ago. In fact, if you compare just about any former president’s picture when they got in office to when they left it, they are almost always the worst for wear. I bring this up because I am starting to gray pretty noticeably lately. Life will do that. But I’m grateful for each new day and another chance to witness another blessing, another miracle in my life!

Note: if this posting is more incoherent and rambling than usual, remember that I told ya that I’m running on fumes!